FYI-The Daily Dish is simply a commentary on daily news, entertainment... etc.
Adam,
What was that??? What were you thinking?
IT WAS JUST a CONFUSED PERFORMANCE!! A 1930's Berlin Cabaret meets S&M POP??? We get it, you want to be a bad boy. How about just BAD! Keep that one in Las Vegas.
Some statements are best not made.
I am not even talking about appropriate for Prime Time or not, I think that we crossed WAY over that border as far as network heads are concerned.
It was hard to hear your voice through the bomb dropping in my head....I bet the 'Idol' Worshipper's are sorry now.
A voice like an Angel; A performance from Hell?
You have gone to the 'Dark Side' Adam...come back to the light!
But as always, we must look at the big picture....
Thankfully, you have a brilliant voice, just change that tune and you will be heard again!
Buddish Girl
Monday, November 23, 2009
Werewolves of London...An Amy Moment! #2
NOVEMBER 23, 2009
I just pulled out my Ipod after two years of retirement. My sister Amy gave it to me as a birthday gift a few years ago. She had pre-programmed it with 500 songs as she knew that I never would (techno challenged)!
I charged it off of my computer (archaic I know), could not figure out any of the menus and started randomly pressing everything. A song finally came on..."WEREWOLVES of LONDON"!
Please refer to my last entry on New Moon to see the relevance. I am suspicious of coincidence, once again!
I sat down to write this and realized that it was the 23rd of the month!
Amy was born on March 23rd and died on July 23rd!
Of course she wanted to say hello.
Don't miss the little signs, question the coincidence....
Love and light,
Buddish Girl
Copyright2009 "The work on this blog is under a CC BY NC license" http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/us/">Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License@aol.com
I just pulled out my Ipod after two years of retirement. My sister Amy gave it to me as a birthday gift a few years ago. She had pre-programmed it with 500 songs as she knew that I never would (techno challenged)!
I charged it off of my computer (archaic I know), could not figure out any of the menus and started randomly pressing everything. A song finally came on..."WEREWOLVES of LONDON"!
Please refer to my last entry on New Moon to see the relevance. I am suspicious of coincidence, once again!
I sat down to write this and realized that it was the 23rd of the month!
Amy was born on March 23rd and died on July 23rd!
Of course she wanted to say hello.
Don't miss the little signs, question the coincidence....
Love and light,
Buddish Girl
Copyright2009 "The work on this blog is under a CC BY NC license" http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/us/">Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License@aol.com
Saturday, November 21, 2009
A boodyish girl thought on New Moon Madness...not very Buddish Girl.
This observation may seem like a bit of a departure for me but any topic on the fringe or beyond is worth noting. Though certainly not spiritual, more like anti-spiritual, Vampires do and have always had their allure, if only to find that you must avoid them at all costs! That goes for energy Vampires as well (the ones that suck the life force out of you and leave you listless and lifeless)!
I woke up late today after staying up to watch Tivo 30 Rock (god, I love that show) after the New Moon cast of Taylor, Kristen and Robbie were interviewed on Jimmy Kimmel. This was followed by Precious star, Gabourey Sidibe, on Oprah (more on that later).
I was shocked to find that the lovely Kristen actually does indeed have a personality! She seemed already dead to me and less lifeless, if that is possible, than any Vampire-ette in the first movie. In the interview however, she was very self posessed (as opposed to posessed in the film), she responded with witty retorts and was truly amusing to listen to! I realize now that she was truly acting in the film (newsflash Buddish girl, that is what actresses do)! I will readily admit when I have been unfair.
Robert, the handsome, sultry, brooding, I do not quite fit in anywhere (common teenage theme that apparently carries through to 109 year olds) Vampire hero displayed a wonderful and charming self-deprecating humour. Though he was startlingly pale (he must use some serious sunblock), I could definately understand following him into the Netherworld!
Taylor was pleasant with an easy smile and it appeared a talented pubescent break dancer (he reminded me a little of one of the Jonas' brothers).
The Focus seemed to be about his newly developed, remarkable chest as many were inclined to see him with his shirt off.
It appears that the shirt removal occurs as the transition to werewolf begins?
Well girls, let's face it, many men turn out to be werewolves at some moment or another...how nice to be able to see the transition coming!!! Besides, I personally have always adored big shaggy dogs.....
We will have to go and see the film to know what all of that Buzz is about!
Do not forget the popcorn, plain M&M's and raisenettes!! I recently considered that the peanut M&M's, which have been a lifetime staple... may overpower the popcorn!
What do you think?
Try to avoid those with Fangs this weekend,
Love and LIGHT.... VERY BRIGHT LIGHT,
Buddish Girl
I woke up late today after staying up to watch Tivo 30 Rock (god, I love that show) after the New Moon cast of Taylor, Kristen and Robbie were interviewed on Jimmy Kimmel. This was followed by Precious star, Gabourey Sidibe, on Oprah (more on that later).
I was shocked to find that the lovely Kristen actually does indeed have a personality! She seemed already dead to me and less lifeless, if that is possible, than any Vampire-ette in the first movie. In the interview however, she was very self posessed (as opposed to posessed in the film), she responded with witty retorts and was truly amusing to listen to! I realize now that she was truly acting in the film (newsflash Buddish girl, that is what actresses do)! I will readily admit when I have been unfair.
Robert, the handsome, sultry, brooding, I do not quite fit in anywhere (common teenage theme that apparently carries through to 109 year olds) Vampire hero displayed a wonderful and charming self-deprecating humour. Though he was startlingly pale (he must use some serious sunblock), I could definately understand following him into the Netherworld!
Taylor was pleasant with an easy smile and it appeared a talented pubescent break dancer (he reminded me a little of one of the Jonas' brothers).
The Focus seemed to be about his newly developed, remarkable chest as many were inclined to see him with his shirt off.
It appears that the shirt removal occurs as the transition to werewolf begins?
Well girls, let's face it, many men turn out to be werewolves at some moment or another...how nice to be able to see the transition coming!!! Besides, I personally have always adored big shaggy dogs.....
We will have to go and see the film to know what all of that Buzz is about!
Do not forget the popcorn, plain M&M's and raisenettes!! I recently considered that the peanut M&M's, which have been a lifetime staple... may overpower the popcorn!
What do you think?
Try to avoid those with Fangs this weekend,
Love and LIGHT.... VERY BRIGHT LIGHT,
Buddish Girl
Thanksgiving is practically here and YOU are not!
November 21, 2009
Dear Amy,
I just opened up the fridge and my mind flashed to the day after Thanksgiving when we would always eat that incredible, cold Pecan Pie for breakfast!
Shit.....I just realized that you died, again.
Love,
S.
Dear Amy,
I just opened up the fridge and my mind flashed to the day after Thanksgiving when we would always eat that incredible, cold Pecan Pie for breakfast!
Shit.....I just realized that you died, again.
Love,
S.
Amy touched base today....an Amy moment! #1
November 17, 2009
I was out looking at real estate today with some friends from my office. There was the usual tedious commentary and commiseration of the pricing, boredom in the market, etc. etc...I am even bored discussing how boring it is! The day, however, became more interesting.
Janet my colleague is supposedly writing a piece for the Local Newspaper. I inquired as to her progress and her reply was, "I think that I am going to have to pay someone to get me writing again." She expressed that she was rusty, regarding her writing skills and had not contacted her mentor, a journalist who offered a 'brush up' workshop, in several months.
At that moment, a text came in and it was from Janet's Mentor, the Journalist. Janet exclaimed, "How strange, what a coincidence!" Not really, I thought as we know by now that I am suspicious of coincidence. The theme then continued.....
We stopped at a favorite spot Bellwood bakery for a quick lunch (they have great tuna sandwiches). Bonnie, Janet and I struggled with the new, pain in the ass, hard to figure out but I am thrilled they take credit card parking meter! Janet turned to the woman who was waiting to simply deposit her quarters and said, "Aren't you glad that you landed behind Lucy and Ethel here?" We were laughing as we walked into the bakery and then noticed the television on the wall... THE I LOVE LUCY SHOW WAS ON TV!
Janet was stunned, Bonnie crunched her eyebrows and said in her usual manner, "That is sooo weird! I shrugged, which is my way of saying, "Welcome to my world."
The finale occurred when I got in my car a few moments later to go see my spiritual teacher, a Shaman.
I turned on the radio and the song that was just beginning was Aretha Franklin singing 'SAY A LITTLE PRAYER FOR ME'!
I looked up this time and clasped my hands together. I said out loud,"You know that I will Amy and I miss you too. Thank you for letting me know that you're here."
I drove off belting out Aretha at the top of my lungs.
Love and Light,
Buddish girl
Don't miss the signs,they are like little threads that begin to weave a pattern for you. Perhaps you should be suspicious of coincidence.
I was out looking at real estate today with some friends from my office. There was the usual tedious commentary and commiseration of the pricing, boredom in the market, etc. etc...I am even bored discussing how boring it is! The day, however, became more interesting.
Janet my colleague is supposedly writing a piece for the Local Newspaper. I inquired as to her progress and her reply was, "I think that I am going to have to pay someone to get me writing again." She expressed that she was rusty, regarding her writing skills and had not contacted her mentor, a journalist who offered a 'brush up' workshop, in several months.
At that moment, a text came in and it was from Janet's Mentor, the Journalist. Janet exclaimed, "How strange, what a coincidence!" Not really, I thought as we know by now that I am suspicious of coincidence. The theme then continued.....
We stopped at a favorite spot Bellwood bakery for a quick lunch (they have great tuna sandwiches). Bonnie, Janet and I struggled with the new, pain in the ass, hard to figure out but I am thrilled they take credit card parking meter! Janet turned to the woman who was waiting to simply deposit her quarters and said, "Aren't you glad that you landed behind Lucy and Ethel here?" We were laughing as we walked into the bakery and then noticed the television on the wall... THE I LOVE LUCY SHOW WAS ON TV!
Janet was stunned, Bonnie crunched her eyebrows and said in her usual manner, "That is sooo weird! I shrugged, which is my way of saying, "Welcome to my world."
The finale occurred when I got in my car a few moments later to go see my spiritual teacher, a Shaman.
I turned on the radio and the song that was just beginning was Aretha Franklin singing 'SAY A LITTLE PRAYER FOR ME'!
I looked up this time and clasped my hands together. I said out loud,"You know that I will Amy and I miss you too. Thank you for letting me know that you're here."
I drove off belting out Aretha at the top of my lungs.
Love and Light,
Buddish girl
Don't miss the signs,they are like little threads that begin to weave a pattern for you. Perhaps you should be suspicious of coincidence.
Friday, November 20, 2009
The Daily Dish....A Buddish Girl Byline
November 16, 2009
Dear Amy,
I had an interesting experience today. I drove to my Pilates class and had Aretha Franklin on the radio singing ‘Say a little Prayer for me’. I was right in tune at the top of my lungs, as usual, with the sun roof open. It was a beautiful and cool, sunny day in Santa Monica. Although I was late for class, I refused to leave the car, as I was having one of those perfect moments of musical bliss. I would simply not shut down Aretha for the sake of doing some hateful ab exercises!
Suddenly a man walked up to my car and gestured with his thumb pointing up at my window. The quick overview revealed a tall African American with a big smile but without most of his teeth! I was startled but before I could react, he asked, “Can you turn up the sound, because I love Aretha!” His voice was tinged with a Carribean accent. I relaxed and smiled. I felt a bit relieved mixed with a sense of delight that this man and I had the exact same emotional response to the Queen of Soul and obliged by blasting Aretha in that parking lot.
I realized that I recognized him as someone that I have seen in that parking lot before. It turns out that he washes cars there several days a week. He told me that I should get an Etta James CD, ‘Tell Mama’ 1967 and another CD entitled King and Queen of Soul, that I would love them both. We spoke about music, R&B and soul, Otis Redding, Percy Sledge, Teddy Pendergrass, and Michael Jackson who you know shall always remain my true love. Michael came on the radio as we spoke! As you know, I am suspicious of coincidence.
I went on to class for my abs and related body parts and to hear of the weekend gossip and dramas from my class mates. I really enjoy my pilates class if not for the work out then for the hysterical and insane stories that are recounted, mine included. You would love the stories Amy! We have a group comprised of women from 28- 55years old. Therefore the conversations cover the gamut.
On any given day I am apprised of revealing extra-marital affairs, heinous, tumultuous break ups, passionate reconciliations, Botox bruises to who has had the Brazilian Blowout (a process for the hair on your head in case you are wondering)! I learn about who carries fake Designer bags (You know I am not a fan of this one) and who is getting the latest breast AUGMENTATION! It must seem so ridiculous to you, like a sit-com, slightly different than your classes in Salt Lake! I will share some of these tid-bits details at a later date.
Today, however seemed even more one dimensional than usual and a bit monotonous in the world of the ‘maintaining beauty in L.A.’ crowd. I kept thinking about the near toothless SOUL mate in the parking lot who brightened my day.
I realized that the other women in class would most likely not have given this hard working, interesting man two minutes of their time, unless they needed a car wash. Though not by intention but rather because we cannot help but stay within the parameters of our comfort level and interact with those that we feel are in our same realm.
The irony is that their lives would have been enriched by the conversation with this Soul Man, not his!
After class, I prepared to leave and got into my car. My SOUL mate was washing a car and told me to wait a second. He handed me a CD by Lenny Williams from 1962 and had me listen to a song. It was so beautiful and exactly the sound that I love, so reminiscent of our music and growing up in Detroit. He said that I could not find it in a store but that I could take it to make a copy. Being that we both know how disorganized I am, I declined for fear of losing the CD. I told him though, that I would search for this artist. I plan to go get the CD’s and I will try to get one that he may like, as a little gift for him.
As I was driving away, I called out to this man to tell him that he knew more about the R&B and Motown sound than most that I have ever met. I told him that I appreciated how knowledgeable he was and thanked him for the info. I then introduced myself and learned that his name was Carlos. Suddenly a voice in the parking lot belonging to a handsome young man shouted out, “He knows about everything”! If you are a Santa Monica girl then you will know him as ‘Crazy Monkey’! Carlos nodded in agreement. It was evident that this man was a client of Carlos’ and that they shared a nice and humorous rapport.
I decided that he may be ‘Crazy Monkey’ to many and perhaps enjoys the nickname, but he introduced himself as Carlos to me. So, I shall refer to Carlos as Carlos.
Carlos is a reminder for me that we all have something of value to share and as human beings, whether we or not we are lucky enough to have teeth or crowns or veneers or dentures….most of us have the same basic desires when all is said and done: to be treated with kindness, to be respected, to be heard, a bit of appreciation, a bit of sunshine, and a bit of Aretha….
So please, “Say a little prayer for me” and I shall do the same for you.
Love and Light,
Always and Forever.....
S.
p.s. If you see Michael J. up there, tell him THIS IS IT was genious!
We must consciously make an effort and reach outside of our self imposed, comfortable box to discover the riches offered by so many persons that surround us daily. There are countless interesting and empathetic people to discover if we take the moment to say hello and to ask a question. You may find the dry cleaner who is actually a composer, the taxi cab driver with the PhD in higher mathematics or the nanny with an engineering degree. There is the housekeeper who has suffered the loss of her daughter, the caretaker for your grandmother who makes artistic jewelry or the dog walker who lives simply and has the wisdom of a shaman.
I hope that everyone tries to make a small difference in another person’s life today; let another make a big difference in yours!
Buddish Girl
Copyright 2009 The work on this blog is under a CC BY NC licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/us/">Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.@aol.com
Dear Amy,
I had an interesting experience today. I drove to my Pilates class and had Aretha Franklin on the radio singing ‘Say a little Prayer for me’. I was right in tune at the top of my lungs, as usual, with the sun roof open. It was a beautiful and cool, sunny day in Santa Monica. Although I was late for class, I refused to leave the car, as I was having one of those perfect moments of musical bliss. I would simply not shut down Aretha for the sake of doing some hateful ab exercises!
Suddenly a man walked up to my car and gestured with his thumb pointing up at my window. The quick overview revealed a tall African American with a big smile but without most of his teeth! I was startled but before I could react, he asked, “Can you turn up the sound, because I love Aretha!” His voice was tinged with a Carribean accent. I relaxed and smiled. I felt a bit relieved mixed with a sense of delight that this man and I had the exact same emotional response to the Queen of Soul and obliged by blasting Aretha in that parking lot.
I realized that I recognized him as someone that I have seen in that parking lot before. It turns out that he washes cars there several days a week. He told me that I should get an Etta James CD, ‘Tell Mama’ 1967 and another CD entitled King and Queen of Soul, that I would love them both. We spoke about music, R&B and soul, Otis Redding, Percy Sledge, Teddy Pendergrass, and Michael Jackson who you know shall always remain my true love. Michael came on the radio as we spoke! As you know, I am suspicious of coincidence.
I went on to class for my abs and related body parts and to hear of the weekend gossip and dramas from my class mates. I really enjoy my pilates class if not for the work out then for the hysterical and insane stories that are recounted, mine included. You would love the stories Amy! We have a group comprised of women from 28- 55years old. Therefore the conversations cover the gamut.
On any given day I am apprised of revealing extra-marital affairs, heinous, tumultuous break ups, passionate reconciliations, Botox bruises to who has had the Brazilian Blowout (a process for the hair on your head in case you are wondering)! I learn about who carries fake Designer bags (You know I am not a fan of this one) and who is getting the latest breast AUGMENTATION! It must seem so ridiculous to you, like a sit-com, slightly different than your classes in Salt Lake! I will share some of these tid-bits details at a later date.
Today, however seemed even more one dimensional than usual and a bit monotonous in the world of the ‘maintaining beauty in L.A.’ crowd. I kept thinking about the near toothless SOUL mate in the parking lot who brightened my day.
I realized that the other women in class would most likely not have given this hard working, interesting man two minutes of their time, unless they needed a car wash. Though not by intention but rather because we cannot help but stay within the parameters of our comfort level and interact with those that we feel are in our same realm.
The irony is that their lives would have been enriched by the conversation with this Soul Man, not his!
After class, I prepared to leave and got into my car. My SOUL mate was washing a car and told me to wait a second. He handed me a CD by Lenny Williams from 1962 and had me listen to a song. It was so beautiful and exactly the sound that I love, so reminiscent of our music and growing up in Detroit. He said that I could not find it in a store but that I could take it to make a copy. Being that we both know how disorganized I am, I declined for fear of losing the CD. I told him though, that I would search for this artist. I plan to go get the CD’s and I will try to get one that he may like, as a little gift for him.
As I was driving away, I called out to this man to tell him that he knew more about the R&B and Motown sound than most that I have ever met. I told him that I appreciated how knowledgeable he was and thanked him for the info. I then introduced myself and learned that his name was Carlos. Suddenly a voice in the parking lot belonging to a handsome young man shouted out, “He knows about everything”! If you are a Santa Monica girl then you will know him as ‘Crazy Monkey’! Carlos nodded in agreement. It was evident that this man was a client of Carlos’ and that they shared a nice and humorous rapport.
I decided that he may be ‘Crazy Monkey’ to many and perhaps enjoys the nickname, but he introduced himself as Carlos to me. So, I shall refer to Carlos as Carlos.
Carlos is a reminder for me that we all have something of value to share and as human beings, whether we or not we are lucky enough to have teeth or crowns or veneers or dentures….most of us have the same basic desires when all is said and done: to be treated with kindness, to be respected, to be heard, a bit of appreciation, a bit of sunshine, and a bit of Aretha….
So please, “Say a little prayer for me” and I shall do the same for you.
Love and Light,
Always and Forever.....
S.
p.s. If you see Michael J. up there, tell him THIS IS IT was genious!
We must consciously make an effort and reach outside of our self imposed, comfortable box to discover the riches offered by so many persons that surround us daily. There are countless interesting and empathetic people to discover if we take the moment to say hello and to ask a question. You may find the dry cleaner who is actually a composer, the taxi cab driver with the PhD in higher mathematics or the nanny with an engineering degree. There is the housekeeper who has suffered the loss of her daughter, the caretaker for your grandmother who makes artistic jewelry or the dog walker who lives simply and has the wisdom of a shaman.
I hope that everyone tries to make a small difference in another person’s life today; let another make a big difference in yours!
Buddish Girl
Copyright 2009 The work on this blog is under a CC BY NC licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/us/">Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.@aol.com
Thursday, November 19, 2009
A letter to Amy
November 15, 2009
"DEATH ENDS A LIFE, NOT A RELATIONSHIP" -Robert Benchley
To be more precise, exactly eleven days following my 50th birthday, Amy, my only sister, only sibling for that matter, died on July 23, 2008,….. approximately fifteen months, 23 days, six hours and about 20 minutes ago, not that I have been keeping track! So much for the favored notion that “time flies”.
Turning 50 was not nearly a significant enough event on its own merit, I suppose. Just in case I was the rare exception to the rule and there lingered the remote possibility of sliding from my 49th into my 50th year without neurotic angst and emotional drama, my sister became very ill and died.
Before I could settle in and worry like most women with this pending birthday, about poor me facing the big 5-0, middle age, the impending wrinkle, hormone hell, looking in the mirror and seeing your mother and all other related topics, Amy, my big sister, did her damndest to distract me!
Amy, the one who actually LOVED her life, the perfect daughter, the extraordinary yet practical sister, the accomplished and level headed one would ease the dark cloud of the up and coming 50th storm for me by creating a little emotional 10 point EARTHQUAKE for my family! At least that is what it felt like to us. The theory of relativity was well at work. I can hear her saying, “Now, now, it isn’t really that terrible to turn 50 is it?” In fact, I had better be grateful for it as I know the alternative all too well.
She always did have an effective way of giving me perspective and of getting her point across. Did I mention that my sister lost her husband when she was 36 years old? Snow cat skiing in Grand Targhee on a spring day ended up as a helicopter day with my brother–in-law having a fatal heart attack. As I said, she had perspective!
Earthquakes tend to shake you to your foundation and this one did, indeed. It isn’t rhetoric you know, that there comes a definitive moment when life as you know it ceases to exist. You cannot change it, you cannot control it, (surprise, surprise you control freaks) you can only look to the future and see the long and arduous task ahead of you to keep breathing. You hope beyond hope that your grief and suffering will pass. You feel as though part of you or all of you has died with that person.
In my experience, the daily misery does pass in time (that time “not flying” issue again). Yes indeed, then you are left to cope with living for the rest of your life without this person. If this sounds difficult and depressing, that is only because IT IS!
There is a reprieve from this, however, and great news to come if you are willing to open up your mind as you had opened your heart to this person. Well this is the interesting part, you see. My sister died last year and I am certain to her great surprise that she has been beside me since that moment. My sister, you see, was not a believer in the subject of Metaphysics though I am a devotee, one of our many contrasts.
As you come back to life again and start to climb out of the abyss of loss, simply start to look for the signs! This is the key to life and death and everything crossing those lines in between. Do you remember Katherine and Heathcliff...Wuthering Heights? I chose this particular love story for my final paper in advanced English lit at University of Michigan, so many years ago. I am suspicious of coincidence. I believe that it was a destined prelude to my understanding that love and energy are on a continuum. It is the concept of love being eternal and crossing the boundaries of death.
I am talking about communication. Tune-in to the clues around you and realize that those loved ones are sending signals constantly. I am not talking about Casper or ghosts that yell BOO! Though sometimes there are things that go bump in the night. Communication, I am reminded of daily, is not restricted to those that we can see.
My sister communicates with me continually these days and no, not by cell phone! Please, give me a little credit. Though she is very into electricity lately giving me a plethora of light bulb popping, circuit breaking and flickering bulb experiences. I am hoping that my sharing these experiences and documenting her continual influence on me as I journal and journey through my days, not only fills the void left in my life but can help some of you out there as well.
You may realize and see the love around you that is still being demonstrated as well as the annoying advice that we were sometimes given and would rather not hear (Hey, I cannot be reverent through this whole blog you know)!
I feel as though I must introduce you to Amy at this point. I think that she can best be described in my last letter that I wrote to her. I realize that so many people are put on pedestals, understandably so, in the event of death and this is not the case with Amy. She was who she was and I see her honestly and accurately. She was my big sister who teased and taunted me, called me Frizoo (due to my frizzy curls in the early years), kicked me out of her room, insisted on always having the front seat, refused to let me hang out with her friends...sound familiar little sisters? She was the rock in my life, my best audience, my heart and soul and she loved me. Amy understood me, she wanted only for my happiness and she unequivocally, unconditionally loved me!
There it is in a nutshell. My Uncle said it simply. “There is Amy….and then there are the rest of us!” The oversensitive, little sister me was not very flattered to hear this as I am considered by a few to be a bit exceptional myself in some regards! But as I mulled it over, I had to agree with my Uncle. Amy was extraordinary. She defined me most, I believe, in our differences. She was a classical pianist; I was fired from piano at 16! She spoke and read French fluently, I learned only in the patisseries of Paris. Our shared humor was our greatest common ground. So perhaps in knowing her, you can better know me as well. I thank you ahead of time for your kindness and attention in reading below:
July 25, 2008
Dear Amy,
In the past few months together, you would often say, “ tell me a story Sissie”, before you’d fall asleep at night.
The story would always begin with, “I remember when”..….
So I will do that again today for you and let many of your loved ones here, listen in.
I remember you climbing into my crib and playpen when we were young. You told me recently that you used to love doing that and by the way, though you teased me so, it made me feel safer having you near, but then you had that effect on everyone.
I remember our house on Shrewsbury and then North Greenbriar, with barking Briards and such commotion , animated personalities, (aunts, uncles cousins and friends over) and like a Fellini movie…with the sound of beautiful classical music from your fingers dancing over the piano keys to Bach, Beethoven and my favorite piece, Claire De Lune.
You were always the calm in the storm.
I remember you and Dad going to the Father –Daughter dance. You wore a blue dress and ate chicken cordon blue! I was so proud of your sophistication. I told all of my friends. You were so pretty in the photo that revealed you struggling to keep those knock-knees apart and straight. They proved to be a blessing in your ski days.
I remember our countless winter weekends at Boyne Mountain, when Mom and Dad drove 5 or 6 hours to put us into the Austrian ski school. It is where you developed your love of the mountains and where you learned to carve a turn on the icy face of Hemlock... and inspired your love of European accents.
I remember watching you playing guitar on our front lawn, sitting with your long , thick, mane of hair down your back when you came home from Ann Arbor, U of M to be with us.
I remember your year abroad from Aix-En-Provence. Mom, Dad, and I would wait for your cassette tapes to arrive in the mail to hear your exquisite descriptions of exotic travel in France and other places visited.
When you finally came home after one year…we waited anxiously as you stepped off the plane. ‘a beautiful French vision with a scarf on your neck and that gorgeous smile’…. But suddenly we detected this awful odor….horrific and pungent and it was following you around. We did not want to say anything and spoil the homecoming. When we got to the car you announced “DADDY, guess what? I brought you some good special Cheese all of the way from France"…Limburger or something…how we all were hysterically laughing and thinking of the poor guy who sat next to you on the plane.
I remember old Park City days and Main Street, the white jaguar and meeting dear Dezo for the first time. He wore a raccoon coat.
I remember when you lived in, what seemed, a castle out of Camelot, in Spring Canyon, built by Dezo’s own hands. You would yell out the tall windows for Benny, your wild Black Belgian Sheepdog. It would echo over the canyons and he would come running and dive on me or whomever was visiting. As we would stand with frozen posture, you’d say, “BUT HE LOVES YOU! HE IS A HEEANDSOME MAN!" You did the same recently with your adorable, incorrigible Marley, your Portuguese water dog. You always did love unconditionally.
I remember the greatest day of your life and Dezo’s….the day Jessie was born!
I remember you flying down the mountain, always first, like a vision with skiis together so perfectly, How you’d wait patiently at the bottom for me or whoever was in your posse. In later years, I convinced you to go last, to pick me up on your way down should I fall. It was more convenient than you having to climb uphill to retrieve me. (you would always shout, GREAT RUN Sis, though I had lost my courage on the mountain years before.)
I remember your early days in Salt Lake. You, sitting on a blanket like a Hopi Indian with a serape, selling your lovely pottery at the side of the road. Do you think that your clients paying about one dollar a bowl ever realized that beneath the blanket was a classical pianist, flautist, French speaking, ski instructing artist who was also a lawyer?
But that is what is so spectacular about you Amy. Your brilliance, integrity, kindness and humor were trumped only by your modesty! You have no need to tell. It is quietly discovered as one spends time with you.
I remember your yoga classes. You decided to be a teacher and after a few weeks I inquired as to how it was moving along? “GREAT”, you replied…"I had three students!" "How much are you charging", I asked? “Two dollars a person”, you said. I calculated the total at six dollars a session and begged, "Amy do not quit your day job." But it was the task that you loved, yet you always reached your goal as well.
I remember when you and I brought Jessie to Disneyland and she met Mickey Mouse for the first time….she bowed and curtsied as though she had met the Queen of England! How we laughed about that. You then proceeded to check off every little item we’d done. "What are you doing Amy?" I asked. "I do not want to miss anything,” you said. “ If we don’t finish, I know what we need to see next time”. That was you, efficiently charting out your next adventure, not missing a minute of what life has to offer.
And then there was your, Robert, your love, whom you cherished. Devoted, and generous, enhancing your experience, giving and sharing a wonderful life with you and Jessie. Robert helped to realize all of your dreams, even a pottery studio and a position as a full time Travel Agent who booked only for the journeys of Amy, Robert and Jess!
I remember Amy, that a few years ago, we sat together at an Indian restaurant and spoke about life. I lamented that I had not accomplished what I had wanted to do…that I had wanted to write and publish stories left untold, that I had failed my own expectations.
You said, “How wonderful that at this point in life, you have a chance to embark on something new that you love and is important to you! You have the whole rest of your life to do it, to achieve your goal and to realize your dream!"
I asked, “And what about you Amy, what do you want to do?" You replied,
“I just want to do more of the same! Ski, river raft, do my pottery and be with Robert, Jess and Willie.”
I said, “HOW WONDERFUL FOR YOU THAT YOU HAVE LOVED YOUR LIFE SO MUCH, THAT YOUR ONLY DESIRE IS TO SIMPLY CONTINUE TO DO MORE OF THE SAME!"
You, indeed, have loved life Amy and every wonderful creation of nature that life has offered as well.
Some People have a spirit that continues to grow and becomes so great and expansive that it can no longer be contained in the physical vessel.
YOU are such a spirit Amy……
And now you are FREE!
Free to sail with the wind across the Blue Sea….
Free to Race down the Rushing Rivers that you loved so much……
And when we see a Majestic Mountain top, capped with snow, glistening in the sun,
We will not despair! Instead, we will close our eyes and picture you, our Amy,
with open arms and ski poles in hand…with your big, beautiful smile sparkling in the sunshine.
We will know in our hearts that you have been given an eternal lift pass and that each and every run will be explored......
Particularly if it is a Powder DAY.
With all of my love and light,
Forever and always remembered…
It has been a privilege to be your little sister,
S.
p.s. I hope to be hearing from you soon.
Well, there it is, the last letter that I wrote to Amy. Did you catch the p.s. by any chance? Well, my sister was certainly listening and I have been hearing a lot from her.
Love and Light,
Buddish Girl
copyright 2009 "The work on this blog is under a CC BY NC license"://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/us/">Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.1@aol.com
"DEATH ENDS A LIFE, NOT A RELATIONSHIP" -Robert Benchley
To be more precise, exactly eleven days following my 50th birthday, Amy, my only sister, only sibling for that matter, died on July 23, 2008,….. approximately fifteen months, 23 days, six hours and about 20 minutes ago, not that I have been keeping track! So much for the favored notion that “time flies”.
Turning 50 was not nearly a significant enough event on its own merit, I suppose. Just in case I was the rare exception to the rule and there lingered the remote possibility of sliding from my 49th into my 50th year without neurotic angst and emotional drama, my sister became very ill and died.
Before I could settle in and worry like most women with this pending birthday, about poor me facing the big 5-0, middle age, the impending wrinkle, hormone hell, looking in the mirror and seeing your mother and all other related topics, Amy, my big sister, did her damndest to distract me!
Amy, the one who actually LOVED her life, the perfect daughter, the extraordinary yet practical sister, the accomplished and level headed one would ease the dark cloud of the up and coming 50th storm for me by creating a little emotional 10 point EARTHQUAKE for my family! At least that is what it felt like to us. The theory of relativity was well at work. I can hear her saying, “Now, now, it isn’t really that terrible to turn 50 is it?” In fact, I had better be grateful for it as I know the alternative all too well.
She always did have an effective way of giving me perspective and of getting her point across. Did I mention that my sister lost her husband when she was 36 years old? Snow cat skiing in Grand Targhee on a spring day ended up as a helicopter day with my brother–in-law having a fatal heart attack. As I said, she had perspective!
Earthquakes tend to shake you to your foundation and this one did, indeed. It isn’t rhetoric you know, that there comes a definitive moment when life as you know it ceases to exist. You cannot change it, you cannot control it, (surprise, surprise you control freaks) you can only look to the future and see the long and arduous task ahead of you to keep breathing. You hope beyond hope that your grief and suffering will pass. You feel as though part of you or all of you has died with that person.
In my experience, the daily misery does pass in time (that time “not flying” issue again). Yes indeed, then you are left to cope with living for the rest of your life without this person. If this sounds difficult and depressing, that is only because IT IS!
There is a reprieve from this, however, and great news to come if you are willing to open up your mind as you had opened your heart to this person. Well this is the interesting part, you see. My sister died last year and I am certain to her great surprise that she has been beside me since that moment. My sister, you see, was not a believer in the subject of Metaphysics though I am a devotee, one of our many contrasts.
As you come back to life again and start to climb out of the abyss of loss, simply start to look for the signs! This is the key to life and death and everything crossing those lines in between. Do you remember Katherine and Heathcliff...Wuthering Heights? I chose this particular love story for my final paper in advanced English lit at University of Michigan, so many years ago. I am suspicious of coincidence. I believe that it was a destined prelude to my understanding that love and energy are on a continuum. It is the concept of love being eternal and crossing the boundaries of death.
I am talking about communication. Tune-in to the clues around you and realize that those loved ones are sending signals constantly. I am not talking about Casper or ghosts that yell BOO! Though sometimes there are things that go bump in the night. Communication, I am reminded of daily, is not restricted to those that we can see.
My sister communicates with me continually these days and no, not by cell phone! Please, give me a little credit. Though she is very into electricity lately giving me a plethora of light bulb popping, circuit breaking and flickering bulb experiences. I am hoping that my sharing these experiences and documenting her continual influence on me as I journal and journey through my days, not only fills the void left in my life but can help some of you out there as well.
You may realize and see the love around you that is still being demonstrated as well as the annoying advice that we were sometimes given and would rather not hear (Hey, I cannot be reverent through this whole blog you know)!
I feel as though I must introduce you to Amy at this point. I think that she can best be described in my last letter that I wrote to her. I realize that so many people are put on pedestals, understandably so, in the event of death and this is not the case with Amy. She was who she was and I see her honestly and accurately. She was my big sister who teased and taunted me, called me Frizoo (due to my frizzy curls in the early years), kicked me out of her room, insisted on always having the front seat, refused to let me hang out with her friends...sound familiar little sisters? She was the rock in my life, my best audience, my heart and soul and she loved me. Amy understood me, she wanted only for my happiness and she unequivocally, unconditionally loved me!
There it is in a nutshell. My Uncle said it simply. “There is Amy….and then there are the rest of us!” The oversensitive, little sister me was not very flattered to hear this as I am considered by a few to be a bit exceptional myself in some regards! But as I mulled it over, I had to agree with my Uncle. Amy was extraordinary. She defined me most, I believe, in our differences. She was a classical pianist; I was fired from piano at 16! She spoke and read French fluently, I learned only in the patisseries of Paris. Our shared humor was our greatest common ground. So perhaps in knowing her, you can better know me as well. I thank you ahead of time for your kindness and attention in reading below:
July 25, 2008
Dear Amy,
In the past few months together, you would often say, “ tell me a story Sissie”, before you’d fall asleep at night.
The story would always begin with, “I remember when”..….
So I will do that again today for you and let many of your loved ones here, listen in.
I remember you climbing into my crib and playpen when we were young. You told me recently that you used to love doing that and by the way, though you teased me so, it made me feel safer having you near, but then you had that effect on everyone.
I remember our house on Shrewsbury and then North Greenbriar, with barking Briards and such commotion , animated personalities, (aunts, uncles cousins and friends over) and like a Fellini movie…with the sound of beautiful classical music from your fingers dancing over the piano keys to Bach, Beethoven and my favorite piece, Claire De Lune.
You were always the calm in the storm.
I remember you and Dad going to the Father –Daughter dance. You wore a blue dress and ate chicken cordon blue! I was so proud of your sophistication. I told all of my friends. You were so pretty in the photo that revealed you struggling to keep those knock-knees apart and straight. They proved to be a blessing in your ski days.
I remember our countless winter weekends at Boyne Mountain, when Mom and Dad drove 5 or 6 hours to put us into the Austrian ski school. It is where you developed your love of the mountains and where you learned to carve a turn on the icy face of Hemlock... and inspired your love of European accents.
I remember watching you playing guitar on our front lawn, sitting with your long , thick, mane of hair down your back when you came home from Ann Arbor, U of M to be with us.
I remember your year abroad from Aix-En-Provence. Mom, Dad, and I would wait for your cassette tapes to arrive in the mail to hear your exquisite descriptions of exotic travel in France and other places visited.
When you finally came home after one year…we waited anxiously as you stepped off the plane. ‘a beautiful French vision with a scarf on your neck and that gorgeous smile’…. But suddenly we detected this awful odor….horrific and pungent and it was following you around. We did not want to say anything and spoil the homecoming. When we got to the car you announced “DADDY, guess what? I brought you some good special Cheese all of the way from France"…Limburger or something…how we all were hysterically laughing and thinking of the poor guy who sat next to you on the plane.
I remember old Park City days and Main Street, the white jaguar and meeting dear Dezo for the first time. He wore a raccoon coat.
I remember when you lived in, what seemed, a castle out of Camelot, in Spring Canyon, built by Dezo’s own hands. You would yell out the tall windows for Benny, your wild Black Belgian Sheepdog. It would echo over the canyons and he would come running and dive on me or whomever was visiting. As we would stand with frozen posture, you’d say, “BUT HE LOVES YOU! HE IS A HEEANDSOME MAN!" You did the same recently with your adorable, incorrigible Marley, your Portuguese water dog. You always did love unconditionally.
I remember the greatest day of your life and Dezo’s….the day Jessie was born!
I remember you flying down the mountain, always first, like a vision with skiis together so perfectly, How you’d wait patiently at the bottom for me or whoever was in your posse. In later years, I convinced you to go last, to pick me up on your way down should I fall. It was more convenient than you having to climb uphill to retrieve me. (you would always shout, GREAT RUN Sis, though I had lost my courage on the mountain years before.)
I remember your early days in Salt Lake. You, sitting on a blanket like a Hopi Indian with a serape, selling your lovely pottery at the side of the road. Do you think that your clients paying about one dollar a bowl ever realized that beneath the blanket was a classical pianist, flautist, French speaking, ski instructing artist who was also a lawyer?
But that is what is so spectacular about you Amy. Your brilliance, integrity, kindness and humor were trumped only by your modesty! You have no need to tell. It is quietly discovered as one spends time with you.
I remember your yoga classes. You decided to be a teacher and after a few weeks I inquired as to how it was moving along? “GREAT”, you replied…"I had three students!" "How much are you charging", I asked? “Two dollars a person”, you said. I calculated the total at six dollars a session and begged, "Amy do not quit your day job." But it was the task that you loved, yet you always reached your goal as well.
I remember when you and I brought Jessie to Disneyland and she met Mickey Mouse for the first time….she bowed and curtsied as though she had met the Queen of England! How we laughed about that. You then proceeded to check off every little item we’d done. "What are you doing Amy?" I asked. "I do not want to miss anything,” you said. “ If we don’t finish, I know what we need to see next time”. That was you, efficiently charting out your next adventure, not missing a minute of what life has to offer.
And then there was your, Robert, your love, whom you cherished. Devoted, and generous, enhancing your experience, giving and sharing a wonderful life with you and Jessie. Robert helped to realize all of your dreams, even a pottery studio and a position as a full time Travel Agent who booked only for the journeys of Amy, Robert and Jess!
I remember Amy, that a few years ago, we sat together at an Indian restaurant and spoke about life. I lamented that I had not accomplished what I had wanted to do…that I had wanted to write and publish stories left untold, that I had failed my own expectations.
You said, “How wonderful that at this point in life, you have a chance to embark on something new that you love and is important to you! You have the whole rest of your life to do it, to achieve your goal and to realize your dream!"
I asked, “And what about you Amy, what do you want to do?" You replied,
“I just want to do more of the same! Ski, river raft, do my pottery and be with Robert, Jess and Willie.”
I said, “HOW WONDERFUL FOR YOU THAT YOU HAVE LOVED YOUR LIFE SO MUCH, THAT YOUR ONLY DESIRE IS TO SIMPLY CONTINUE TO DO MORE OF THE SAME!"
You, indeed, have loved life Amy and every wonderful creation of nature that life has offered as well.
Some People have a spirit that continues to grow and becomes so great and expansive that it can no longer be contained in the physical vessel.
YOU are such a spirit Amy……
And now you are FREE!
Free to sail with the wind across the Blue Sea….
Free to Race down the Rushing Rivers that you loved so much……
And when we see a Majestic Mountain top, capped with snow, glistening in the sun,
We will not despair! Instead, we will close our eyes and picture you, our Amy,
with open arms and ski poles in hand…with your big, beautiful smile sparkling in the sunshine.
We will know in our hearts that you have been given an eternal lift pass and that each and every run will be explored......
Particularly if it is a Powder DAY.
With all of my love and light,
Forever and always remembered…
It has been a privilege to be your little sister,
S.
p.s. I hope to be hearing from you soon.
Well, there it is, the last letter that I wrote to Amy. Did you catch the p.s. by any chance? Well, my sister was certainly listening and I have been hearing a lot from her.
Love and Light,
Buddish Girl
copyright 2009 "The work on this blog is under a CC BY NC license"://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/us/">Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.1@aol.com
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Ready To Reveal ALL!
November 9, 2009
We all have stories and secrets to tell. I finally sat down and put some into written words. The speaking part is easy as we go about our daily life, recounting our version of the story, complaining, whining, laughing, ridiculing and basically sharing the events of our lives with those near and dear.
To our oldest friends we give sordid and outrageous details that would make the new friends shudder with horror and embarrassment at our lack of inhibition in retelling a juicy tale. We save the shortened, purest version for them, the new friends, tilting the story, naturally, in a direction that would be bit more palatable.
Occasionally, we share with that random stranger, though I am suspicious of coincidence, who sat next to us at a Starbucks while on vacation in an acknowledged hot spot like Aspen or Park City, sipping a café misto, (in my case as their coffee is a bit strong for me) as they can certainly relate!?
Then we may find ourselves at that little quaint café just below the Spanish Steps in Rome. The delectable almond biscotti, which does not go unnoticed, is served to accompany that incredibly rich cappuccino made with whole milk, mind you, while we remain riveted, engrossed in the life story of the stranger that is there sharing their tale with us.
The salesperson at a favored boutique is also a prime candidate for exchanging secrets as they ring up a tank top with the pink rhinestone insignia that is so out of character in our, “I only wear black", lives.
The point here is that we all have stories and secrets to tell. We choose who we first tell them to and then they travel on without us and often without our knowledge! Our personal stories may have actually traveled the globe and been recounted to us at a later date with a glimmer of familiarity, a vague similarity to something that reminded you of your own experience!
Therefore, ultimately, if you are going to share your story and you would like it to be told accurately, you may as well tell the whole wide world. So here it is, my story …..
But where to start with so much to recount? There are tales that have sustained and entertained my personal audience: friends, family, colleagues, frenemies and lovers, with the exception of my boyfriend of 5 years who does not speak English and lives in Rome! Yes, that is another story. There are comical stories and sex stories, psychic, spiritual and ski bum stories. There are European escapades such as Who Will be Your One Collect CALL From the Police Station in Sardegna When Your Charming Date Turns Out To Be A Fugitive. I have fine art fiascos, relationship revelations and dating disaster stories like How to Lose a Mate in One Car Ride To The French Countryside. Then there are the love stories. The list goes on. But I must begin with a sad story because....
Any story that I had worth telling, and there are many I can assure you, took an immediate backseat to this event.
My sister died last year and she has been beside me from that moment.
"The work on this blog is under a CC BY NC license" ="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/us/">Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.@aol.com
We all have stories and secrets to tell. I finally sat down and put some into written words. The speaking part is easy as we go about our daily life, recounting our version of the story, complaining, whining, laughing, ridiculing and basically sharing the events of our lives with those near and dear.
To our oldest friends we give sordid and outrageous details that would make the new friends shudder with horror and embarrassment at our lack of inhibition in retelling a juicy tale. We save the shortened, purest version for them, the new friends, tilting the story, naturally, in a direction that would be bit more palatable.
Occasionally, we share with that random stranger, though I am suspicious of coincidence, who sat next to us at a Starbucks while on vacation in an acknowledged hot spot like Aspen or Park City, sipping a café misto, (in my case as their coffee is a bit strong for me) as they can certainly relate!?
Then we may find ourselves at that little quaint café just below the Spanish Steps in Rome. The delectable almond biscotti, which does not go unnoticed, is served to accompany that incredibly rich cappuccino made with whole milk, mind you, while we remain riveted, engrossed in the life story of the stranger that is there sharing their tale with us.
The salesperson at a favored boutique is also a prime candidate for exchanging secrets as they ring up a tank top with the pink rhinestone insignia that is so out of character in our, “I only wear black", lives.
The point here is that we all have stories and secrets to tell. We choose who we first tell them to and then they travel on without us and often without our knowledge! Our personal stories may have actually traveled the globe and been recounted to us at a later date with a glimmer of familiarity, a vague similarity to something that reminded you of your own experience!
Therefore, ultimately, if you are going to share your story and you would like it to be told accurately, you may as well tell the whole wide world. So here it is, my story …..
But where to start with so much to recount? There are tales that have sustained and entertained my personal audience: friends, family, colleagues, frenemies and lovers, with the exception of my boyfriend of 5 years who does not speak English and lives in Rome! Yes, that is another story. There are comical stories and sex stories, psychic, spiritual and ski bum stories. There are European escapades such as Who Will be Your One Collect CALL From the Police Station in Sardegna When Your Charming Date Turns Out To Be A Fugitive. I have fine art fiascos, relationship revelations and dating disaster stories like How to Lose a Mate in One Car Ride To The French Countryside. Then there are the love stories. The list goes on. But I must begin with a sad story because....
Any story that I had worth telling, and there are many I can assure you, took an immediate backseat to this event.
My sister died last year and she has been beside me from that moment.
"The work on this blog is under a CC BY NC license" ="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/us/">Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.@aol.com
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